Happy new year!
I have spent a fair bit of time today on social media. Just now my immediate thought was – what a waste of my precious few hours of free time! And yet…
It has made me stop and sit.
It has made me stop and think.
Looking back and thinking forward as is the custom on the first day of a new year. Today the first day of a new decade.
I have come to a conclusion – more reflection is needed. Constructive reflection. Digging into my mind’s drawers and cupboards. Finding files and doing that sorting thing. Save. Delete. File for later. I have no desire to reach the ctrl-alt-delete stage. Self care is on the agenda.
Best ingredient for constructive reflection? Time.
Time with friends.
Time with family.
Time with me.
Time to delve into the dark matter, the fun stuff, the tears and the laughter.
Time for deep conversations – we don’t often do those.
Time for experiences – together and alone. A walk in the woods. A night under the stars. A play. A scouting weekend. A good movie. A new destination. My town. The world. Time for exploring the outside and the inside.
Time doing the things that make me feel good – that expand and open my mind. Time spent scribbling, drawing.
Time with the people that enable, accept, challenge, care and love – finding the inspiration and the courage to do just that.
Time.
I really do wish you a happy new year, and me. Let’s do our utmost to have a good time.

Sitting in the morning calm.
Reflecting.
It is that time of the year.
Looking back, 2019 has been a turbulent year.
A year that sat me on my ass.
Physically and in my head.
I am still dealing with both.
Though I am standing, the tall bit is still a work in progress.
I was tempted to write that I was looking forward to seeing the ass end of this year but..(pun intended)
I have thought a great deal over a comment heard recently “we must remember to celebrate the defeats we experience as it is from our defeats that we learn” not new but very relevant this year.
So I sit.
And reflect.
Taking time to reflect and attempt to sort through the challenges and learn from the experiences.
Reflecting, keeping in mind all the wonderful, good stuff too.
The quietly beautiful, breathtaking moments that also happen and that, if you have your positive hat on, make all the difference in the world.
2019 – I celebrate you and eyes wide open look forward to the new year.
BRING IT ON!!!

“Mama?”

“Yes?”

“My head is talking to me again. What is it I am supposed to do when my head talks too much. I can´t think properly.”

Mama smiled. The smile was warm and understanding. Mama put down her cup of coffee on the kitchen table. The room was warm as the sun shone through the curtains.

“Come here sweetie. Your forehead is all wrinkled up.
Those thoughts that race through your head bothering you again?”

“They just jump around Mama. First one thing then another. First one way then another. Some of it makes sense maybe? And some of it is just silly. Some of it scares me Mama. How do I make it stop?”

“Baby, have you got your traffic light? Can you see it in your mind´s eye sweetie? Ok? Good. Close your eyes luv. That traffic light – it must not be working quite right seeing as the thoughts, they are racing around in your head. Flashing yellow right? Jep, thought so. Now we gotta get you out of the traffic and in to the sidewalk. When you get to the sidewalk then you can just stop and look at all the thoughts racing away this way and that. You will be out of the way and they won´t keep bumping into you. So lets have you turn the light to red – say STOP.”

Eyes shut tight. “STOP!!!” Wrinkled brow. “STOP!!!! Oh. Ok. The light is red.”

“The thoughts stopping now?”

“No. Wait! Now they are. Slowly. Jep mama, my head isn´t talking so loud now.”

“Are you on the sidewalk by the traffic light? Ok. Good.”

“The thoughts are jumping around mama. The noise is starting again mama. Make it stop.”

“Oh I forgot something. You need to let the thoughts go on their way so they can continue out of your head. You control the light. Turn the traffic light to green. As long as you are on the sidewalk they can´t bother you. Is the light green? Ok. The thoughts can continue on their way. You can just let them go. Watch them from the sidewalk. Wave goodbye if you want.”

“Mama, they are moving now. They are going away. They were so big before, now they are tiny!”

A careful smile and a less wrinkled brow.

“Good sweetie. Just watch them fade into the distance in your mind. The thoughts can just go on their way. Open your eyes baby. What book shall we read? Your turn to choose.”

A hug. A look along the line of books in the bookcase. A favourite picked out and carried over to the comfy couch. Mama picks up her cup of coffee. Chaos averted. They take turns reading and the thoughts, now ignored, chatter less. Disgruntled yet powerless, unprotesting the thoughts continue on their way.

Spinning and spinning and spinning!! Pirouettes with eyes closed!
Smiling and laughing. Grinning ridiculously. Tears of joy.
Grinning with all over silliness.
Music touching the very core – the heart of my soul. My spirit.
Where did this come from? Where had it been? Silly oh how silly!
I want more!! I dance around the room. Hugs – for myself.
Joy for myself. Laughing for myself, by myself. Oh what freedom!

I have a puzzle to solve, a million piece jigsaw to put together – for me. Millions of pieces stacked, no picture defined. I am making it up as I go along.
Want to come? Walk with me. The mosaic – pieces – fragments – colour of friends – colours of places – fragrances – of people – of delicious meals – of places – music too – grout yeah the glue – the sticky bits – the laughter – the tears – the hugs and the smiles. The friendship, the heartbreak, the companionship, the love. I want it all. I want to feel it all. I want to live MY life!

Without me, having myself along for the ride, I am nothing. An empty shell. A shadow. I need me and I want life! Raucous. Disorderly. The messy bits. Love! All kinds! Peace. Joy. Fun. Friends. Loud music. Lovers. Dancing. The moon. Darkness. The warmth of the sun. I am taking it all and it is my life. Me. Take me or leave me. I hope you’ll come along. I love to share.
Dancing and spinning and laughing out loud. Clarity! What joy! What freedom!

In a flower pot where the flowers had bloomed during the summer, we were regularly visited by a little bee. The bee would crawl in under a leaf at the side of the pot, be gone for a short while and then “buzz off” only to return shortly after. A ground bee, was making a perfectly tubular tunnel in the earth in the flower pot. We noticed, after a while, that it had begun to traipse in with bits of leaves. Renovating perhaps? Some of the pieces were as big if not bigger than the bee itself! And what in the world was it building in there? The month of July and August passed as did the flower in the pot and we thought no more of it. The other day, since I was tired of looking at a lovely flower pot filled with nothing but earth and dried up summer blooms, I bought a lovely white late summer chrysanthemum to brighten things up. As I was loosening the earth in the pot I cast my thoughts back to those lovely warm, no, hot days of summer and remembered our little visiting busy bee. I cleared the earth carefully from the side it kept visiting and I found small packets made of leaves. They looked like little bullets, flat on the one end and rounded at the other and the leaves were tightly rolled around something. I carefully pulled one apart and inside was a precious little larve – the beginnings of a bee! And there were so many little bullets! That little bee had been very, very diligent in its mission. It had certainly done it’s bit to ensure the survival of the species! Curiously enough, a few days before we had seen a documentary about the bee – how important these little fellas are to us humans and what we can do in our own back gardens to help them survive – so I put the little bee-lings that I had unintentionally disturbed, back along the side of our flower pot, covered them with earth and planted my chrysanthemum alongside them. It will be exciting to see them crawl out of the pot when spring heralds its return. I hope they survive the cold. I trust in mother nature, she’s been looking after earth’s creatures for a very long time, so I am sure that there will be a swarm of small pollen spreading bees taking flight from the edge of our flower pot come spring. Hope they just buzz off! 🐝🍯❤️

Beautiful blue sky,
sun shining at full blast,
the birds laughing in the air.
Summer is shining.
The day awaits,
Beckoning,
Time smiles, a few minutes yet,
Take it easy.
Not a care in the world,
This minute, this second.

12 Rules for Life – a gift, a book, from a very dear man who is very close to my heart. My Dad. My Dad wrote to me that he had read a great deal concerning the book (and its author) with the title “12 Rules for Life / An Antidote to Chaos” written by Jordan Petersen. My Dad believes that the book is such an important book, its content covering very different topics ranging from the philosphical to the psychological that he felt that it was important for me to have access to it. His intuition went so far as to make him feel that it was important for him to pass the book on – to me. As he wrote “To you, because I am your Dad”.
So, I embark now on this journey that my dear Dad has set me upon. I have yet to turn the first page but it is my plan to do so tonight. I am intrigued and eager to get started.

My intention is to keep you posted here, my thought is that it is a good way for me to turn over in my mind what I have read. Take it in, digest it and regurgitate it, if you will. At least my humble understanding of it. (And a good incentive to keep me at it 😉 )

Should anyone out there have read the book and have comments or insights to share – feel free to do so in the comments. (Mind your language and be polite.)

Well here goes! Bon voyage to me!

I found a lucky penny the other day.
My lucky penny, in fact a danish krone, skipped right to the task and began to work it´s magic (they are magic!) after being pocketed. I had been wallowing. I rarely wallow for long, explode once in a blue moon but wallow rarely and over several days is unheard of. I had been delving into the depths of negativity in my thoughts the past little while. A fair amount of stress combined with pain and extreme tiredness had resulted in a major case of the blues. On this sunny spring afternoon, I could be found developing and refining the dark side of my thoughts. One wrong word or glance turned in my direction and the tears of self-pity welled up in my eyes ready to spill over.
The shiny “lucky penny” lay before my feet.

Now securely resting in the pocket of my blue wool coat, it made me reflect on this thing called luck. It made me reflect on my life. Yes, it got that deep during the performance of my lunchtime errand. The outcome was memories flooding my thoughts with the many good things in my life and in the lives of my family and friends. My mood lightened as I cast a glance at the blue sky and the bright sun and I smiled gingerly. It was working its charm, my lucky coin. I stepped a tad lighter after the sun touched my face with its spring warmth, arguably tentative, however the warmth was not to be mistaken. My errand completed, my walk approached a jauntily performed hop, skip and jump when back to the office I headed. Not many hours later the journey turned toward home. A rare evening on my own with candles flickering, a simple meal of good bread, delicious soft ripened cheese, a glass of wine and my negative thoughts, those dark clouds looming, were very nearly banished from my mind. Gratefully I bid the world a goodnight. The dreams were sweet and my sleep peaceful. My mind was able to rest for the night. Wonderful magic.