Talk about it! Show it! Ask about it! Don’t be afraid.

Trying to explain what it feels like inside of your head, oh boy. All that woolly stuff that the thoughts get stuck in, the way the thoughts go in a ring, constantly, never stopping. The way you can take the blame for all of the ills of the world, all of it is your fault. If only you hadn’t stepped on the line, hopped over that square, flicked the lights less than 10 times 2 weeks ago, none of this would have happened. What if you had done that earlier? What if you hadn’t said those things just then. If only you had been there 5 minutes earlier. None of this would have happened and everything would be ok.

Sleep is a place far away from your reality. Sleep only comes when the exhaustion is complete and the body switches to auto pilot and blasts the mind out of the equation. Sleep stays just out of reach as the mind does a mental review of everything. Every word you said, every thing you did, every eye contact made, every little movement – today, yesterday, 5 weeks ago, 5 years ago, when you were 5. Sleep, when it does come, is exhausting. You awake almost more tired, if that is possible, than when you went to bed.

The day begins again and you wonder why. What is the point? There is no light. There is no sunshine even when the sun is out. You take one positive thought, I can make it to tomorrow. And again tomorrow if it is still only just bearable when you wake – I can make it to tomorrow. Out there, there is a tomorrow where the light does shine just a little. And one day, after the tomorrows with a bit of light come around more often and the light they show is a little more and lasts a little longer you discover that the dark isn’t quite as thick and black as it was before.The fake smile becomes just a little less fake and it very, very slowly starts to reach the eyes.

Sometimes, just sometimes the change is like an explosion! Pow! Blast! The door is open! Life is good!!! You laugh! The mind is on track again and you can do just about anything! A little manic but not bipolar. That is a completely different kettle of fish.

Talk about it. Ask about it.

I am still so angry, enraged, desparate, left with a feeling of helplessness after the events in Copenhagen the weekend of 14feb2015. The police have been investigating, the politicians have chosen the “tack” they should take in order to get the most wind in their sails and 2 families are grieving the loss of loved members of their family, the country is left grieving the loss of 2 members of the danish population.

Worse we must accept that people living in this country call the criminal a hero. I accept that there is a family grieving the loss of their son, their brother, lover. It is hard to swallow. But swallow it we must.

Why have we been forced to accept this situation? Someone, an individual / a group of people, cannot accept and are against democracy and the right all of us who live in a democratic country have, among other rights – the right to choose our religion, the right to express whatever we want, however we want. I repeat, anyone, all of us. These same people who defame democracy use it to further their cause.

I am not danish. I am a foreigner in this land. I came on a whim 23 years ago and stayed. It is a funny little place. A place that without question adopts things American. A place that loves to socialize in a way different to so many other places where it is important for each individual to feel comfortable and at ease. A place that values the cosy-ness in life. A people that are a bit tough to reach the heart of but who are very hospitable. A people who treasure and protect the right and freedom to be themselves however that is.

Denmark is a country that values the freedom and right of free speech.

Denmark is a country that values tolerance and acceptance of people from all walks of life, from all the countries of the world, with whatever religion they choose. Who expect and take for granted that those who move to this country feel the same, do the same, respect the same. Otherwise why are they here???

All of us who live in Denmark must stand together. We must clearly illustrate that we will not give up the right to live as we always have lived. Our society is built on the right to have our own opinions, to express these opinions, the right to be provocative, the right to question. We must not bow down as a result of these terror actions. We must not give up our right to be who we are.

We must not cower when called racist as we are not. We must not pale at being called intolerant for we are not. We must not accept the watering down of the danish way of life, the values of this country and society for it is ours and it is important to uphold.

Those who do not wish to respect and adhere to and protect and defend the fundamental values, the basis of the danish constitution, may now leave. Preferably peacefully.

Musing.

The Free Dictionary defines the adjective musing as “absorbed or deep in thought; meditative. It defines the noun as “contemplation; reflection.” Other words that can be used are thoughtfulness, meditation, rumination.

I bid you welcome to “Musings Mine.” Join me, please. Make yourself comfortable. Lean back in your favourite armchair, your most comfy sofa, with a pillow or two tucked in at your back to make it just right and come on a journey through the musings of my mind.

I hope that you will join me in the wondering and wanderings I set out on today. Join me in the process of giving careful thought to something, anything, anything my heart desires. My reflections on the happenings in the world, on my street, on the train, in my neck of the woods. The world through my eyes….

With a large portion of luck, the ruminations reflected here will be of interest to some, perhaps even amusing. They will, at all times, be my own. They may be mistaken for daydreaming. They may be mistaken for mindless loitering. As you please.

I love to swim. To slice through the water, at speed, of a calm lake or float on the surface contemplating life is a satisfying endeavour. Snorkeling, looking into the depths from the surface without having to go too deep, is just the ticket. I enjoy delving into the thoughts and dreams that inhabit the vast ocean of my mind – just beneath the surface. No need to drop too deep, it is a fun and relaxing process. It is a fascinating and colourful world.

I guarantee nothing. I promise my best. My opinion will always be just that. You may agree or disagree and perhaps, at times, we may have to agree, to disagree. I hope that we always will part company in good humour and with mutual respect.

I look forward, with barely contained joy and pleasure, to having a place for my words to be uttered. I hope that you will find at least a few of them worth reading.

Kindness and joy to you.

Kim

P.S. The freedom to express, on “musings mine,” whatever I wish to express, is mine. Comments are welcome, in a spirit of goodwill and good humour, respect is key. The final word is and will be mine. On my blog, I rule.

FB musings 4am 12-13 dec

Why is it that sleep is so elusive sometimes? It just won’t come knocking and tonight, at almost 4am, it is at its most irritating in its absence. My dog is sound asleep. She has been very annoyed with me and my wakefulness. She has however now found dreamland with all the accompanying sounds and dream activity. I often wonder how big the dogs are that she meets in dreamland. Some of them must be exceptionally speedy. She is either trying to catch them, my choice of dream for her, or she is being chased, not so nice if thats what the emitted noises indicate and make me lean that way. Ups, she is giving me the evil eye and a wonky smell from the end closest to me. Ok, she is off once more chasing a …. hmmm … what can it be … a Sofus … or maybe a Kiki … no, perhaps its that tantalizing squirrel that spurts through the garden. She hasn’t a hope in catching that little red demon. It could be the neighbour’s cat. A stately, albeit slightly plump-ish white cat with lovely grey patches, that owns the world or at least the neighbouring gardens of the world, finds its way into our little postage stamp garden regularly. Our hunting instinct dog is not amused, slightly bewildered, yes, but not amused. Where does that damn cat get to so quick? It is hardly a spritely creature but never the less it has always managed a disappearing act worthy of the most talented of conjurers by the time the dog has traced its complicated journey through our little patch. Gone! Umpf. Chase at an end, peace in dreamland, for the dog at any rate. My turn to try again…hope there’s something or someone else in my dream…broad shoulders, nice smile, lovely low voice…mmmm, aw darn it, that won’t help me sleep!!! 😉 Sweet dreams

FB 20Nov

Læst lige at det er muligt at købe et kram. Altså et ganske almindelig kram. And no it isn’t with a red light in the window. What a concept…buy a hug, for a dollar a minute, about 5,50kr. Det er sundt at få og give kram. It is healthy to receive and give hugs. It reduces stress. Makes us feel warm and cared for. Even if we pay for it? As a single person, you miss the daily dose of caring touch and hugs that are present in a twosome. I’ve pondered the possibility of having hug sessions at work, the thought struck me on a particularly blue Monday, but was quickly dismissed, pretty sure my co-workers would think it a crazy idea.

Not everyone is comfortable with touch. I like a hand on my shoulder or an arm around the shoulders in a quick hug. It makes me feel good. But to go so far as to pay for a cuddle, I don’t think so. And I can’t help but think – what a wonderful idea but how very sad that it should be necessary, that there is actually a need or market for “hugs for sale” Business is reported to be booming. 👏

FB 17Nov14 nørreport…

Nørreport station…omg! What a jumble of stairways, some closed, some ending where I didn’t expect it and up again to the dark surface with everyone bustling on their own path to their destinations. I have good company in my ears, Mr Ed Sheeran strumming so blissfully on his guitar. Right now it’s “I see fire. ” I’m relaxing after all the Monday calls I’ve had. What is a Monday call? It is actually just those calls where no matter what you say, no matter how much you pacify, assist, try to excuse, it is not enough. No satisfied customer at the end of it all. With one wonderful exception, an older woman who needed some special assistance. I could help her as I have so many others, but for her it meant something. I ended as her darling. At the end of the call, I had the feeling that we were shaking hands across the many miles between us. “What was my name?”  “Well Kim, my name is Dorothy, but always called Dot. You are a darling. Now have a wonderful day.” I had done nothing other than that which I always did. For her it was extra. Nice. She erased  every one of those “monday” calls. Thanks Dot. You are the darling. Almost at my stop. Hillerød today. Hey I get out and see the world!! Have a great evening! See ya’

07 Nov 2014

It has been a very rainy day. Gray. Flintholm now, station before last stop on the Metro…S-train now. Not so packed. Lots of people with their noses in a smartphone, attached to it with an umbilical cord – their earphones. Across the aisle a white haired bespectacled man is doing a crossword in the newspaper. Do those still exist? Everything is electronic these days. My meditation teacher, an irish buddhist teacher, encourages putting our gadgets aside. Hmmm he was right about how many people don’t look up. I’m relieved to see a few book readers. A little girl in zebra wellies is playing a game on her Dad’s iPad. Its dark outside. A few lights can be glimpsed.  Måløv station. Snipits of conversation…a colleague gone down with stress, lost her memory. Wow! How do we get that far out? Why are we not caught, by colleagues or friends, in the downward spiral that a burnout is? What are we so afraid of? Those watching, working alongside. The little girl got off with her Dad. The game to be finished at home. She’s happy. Stenløse. Someone just said about herself that she was dead during the week and only lived on the weekend. Can’t see her face. Lots of umbrellas in hand. I wonder how many are forgotten on the train on a day like today? Ølstykke…bus next. See you tomorrow. Have a great evening.

05 November 2014

Now at Nørreport on the Metro…and the train is packed. Interesting taking public transport…my mind wanders as I observe all these people…who are they? Not their names, that doesn’t matter – Jonas, Peter, Susanne, Pia, Thilde – spiller ingen rolle, who are they? What are they passionate about? What do they read? Are they happy and enjoying life? What struggles do they have? Are they creative? Do they like Christmas? Is it their birthday? Are they alone? Why are they here right now on my train? Do I see them as they really are or is it my perception? Is this reality or is it my reality?

Whew, Sundby next stop. Miss my car!!

Have a great day!