It starts with a totally innocent comment. The smile emerges. The eyes disappear into the crinkles. The low rumble begins to rise, if it is a low rumble laugh. It could of course be a twittering sort of laugh or a guffaw! It might even be snaughling. Snaughling is laughing so hard you snort, then laugh because you snorted, then snort because you laughed. The most cleansing laugh is the totally lost it laugh. The one where once you are in it, you can’t stop. Once the tears are hopping out of the corners of your eyes and you can’t tell anyone anymore why you are laughing. Even more tears explode from your tear ducts and your belly starts to ache. Your inability to explain your case of raucous guffawing fuels the flames and the fire rages out of control. This is the absolute best! The tiniest twitter ignites the fire once again and you are off on another rolling wave. I know nothing better, well, almost nothing.

The Mayo Clinic actually confirms the incredible benefits of laughter.

Laughter can:

• Stimulate many organs.
• Activate and relieve your stress response.
• Soothe tension.

Long-term effects
Laughter isn’t just a quick pick-me-up, though. It’s also good for you over the long haul. Laughter may:

• Improve your immune system.
• Relieve pain.
• Increase personal satisfaction.
• Improve your mood.

I attempt to indulge in this exercise as often as at all possible. There are folks who, deserving though they may be of this orgasmic release, rarely experience this cleansing ritual. There can be something a little scary about this “happening”. You have to let go – completely. You have to be willing and able to surrender to that totally silly, impossible to stop, way out of control laughter. It can prolong your life. I would go so far as to say that it has saved my life. Many times.

Mary Poppins sings “The more you laugh, the more you fill with glee” I want some more of that glee-stuff. Control of laughter? Who needs it! Letting go in a “fit of laughter”, a moment of pure, unadulterated orgasmic giggling, guffawing and twittering as behooves you will add years to your life and light to your day. Go on, have a chuckle. Oh, a word of warning – it might be infectious and could be habit forming.

 

The years of being careful, watching out, not exposing – me – have taken their toll.

I look uncomprehendingly at the page. What am I doing here?

Let go, they say. Express your soul, they say. Free your spirit, they say.

The rays of light find the cracks. Attempt to crumble the armour. The lock had a key.

Now nowhere to be found. Willing the words to be released. I stand helpless.

28 January 2016

Dear Me,
I would just like to wish me a very happy birthday. Here’s hoping that I have a fantastic day with sunshine, smiles and lots of hugs and kisses…and a fabulous year!

Waking up this morning I thought about getting older. Chalking up yet another year is definitely a cause for celebration. The years are piling on though and it feels like each year is passing faster than the previous one. Age does not bother me. Someone commented that this must be number 39 and I quickly responded that no but thanks for the compliment. I smiled in the full knowledge that that was not what he meant. I am 55. Wow! Seemed so very far out in the future not too long ago. And here I am. I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. I love my life. The whole messy thing.

The start of a perfect birthday – a delicious brunch with a wonderful friend. Wonderful conversation, secrets shared, viewpoints exchanged and discussed. Exquisite hours relaxing in good company.

I had a wonderful evening in the marvelous company of three special people, laughing at the antics of my crazy, and crazy cute labrador. We ate spaghetti with meatsauce. We wracked our brains at a puzzle problem. The evening was plain and simple – having a relaxed and enjoyable time of it. When I was on my own once more, I read the lovely messages people had posted to my timeline, sent to me by sms, taking time to respond to them.

I rejoiced in being reminded of a piece of music played by the imminent duo Joao Gilberto and Stan Getz. I promptly found a couple of albums and I then sat enjoying the music while savouring the fragrance and taste of a very delicious armagnac. Pensive. Reflecting. I am enormously grateful for the twists and turns my life has taken. My horizons have been challenged and broadened. I have come into contact with the people who have been right for me at the right time. I am learning to be true to myself and loving every minute of it, becoming more and more curious about, well, everything. Discovering that the only thing that I absolutely must is to be true to myself. I owe this to no one other than myself. As Jacob Nordby, Blessed are the Weird, so beautifully expresses it “You owe no one…no idea, no organisation, no belief, nothing at all the rest of your life. You only owe it to yourself. To live it beautifully. To express it authentically. To expand it joyfully. To become so clear on what fits and what does not that the only decision left is being true to yourself at every turn.”

A huge thank you to all who made my day a very special one. Grateful to the people who touch my life bringing me lessons to learn, emotions to understand and deal with. Grateful to the people who are in my life who accept and appreciate and love me just the way I am. I am still growing, continually learning every step of the way, still curious. I AM!

New Year
Battled and bruised, uplifted and joyous we stumble towards the new beginning that is “the new year”.
We are encouraged, challenged to let go of things and emotions of the past year.
We must make room for the new, for the opportunities, the experiences waiting in the wings of the curtains of the new year that are soon to go up.
Take stock. Accept and let go.
One night can do all of this?
We have only just dealt with Christmas and all of the tumult that it can carry with it and now we must in one evening do the bookkeeping of the year just past. Balance the budget. Wipe the slate clean. Start fresh. I am the same person on day one of 2016 as I am today, the last day of the year. I wonder at the expectations for the evening. Will I be disappointed at the result when I wake 01 January 2016?
I am a believer in taking time to reflect on the past and the present. Dream of the future. At New Year? At any time of the year when needed. Press the pause button and take the time. New Year is when it is virtually demanded of each and every one of us and I think we must tread the waters carefully as the expectation to find revelations is high. The drop great if the result is found to be lacking.
New Years resolutions? Harsh when you don’t live up to them.
Set intentions? A softer version of the same thing. The guilt perhaps not quite as obliterating.
2016? I will continue my search for me, to be real and true, authentic in my thoughts and actions. I hope the path I walk is by choice. The challenges to be faced bring lessons and I am open to the experiences. I hope that my search brings joy and happiness and that my joy will spread like ripples in the pond. My job is to find what makes my heart sing. In this way I may perhaps bring joy to those around me. Make someone smile. Lighten a heavy heart. I tread carefully into 2016 with a song in my heart. Ready to accept and let go, be happy. Enjoy.
No miracles…and yet…I wake in the morning…I breathe…I smile. I am enormously grateful.

My hope is that you have an inspiring and joyous 2016.

Happy New Year.

Christmas. Feeling melancholy. A long way from 2 people who mean the world to me. Choices can do this. Missing people who fill important places in my heart. Feeling divided. Feeling grateful. Feeling loved. Feeling love. Choices can do this. Making choices.

The people I miss tonight are people who are my history. They are my foundation. The foundation that has given me an anchor, a solid base to grow up on. A place that was safe and secure to take up challenges from, to run out to the world from, to mature and grow up from.

Choices. Choices bring decisions. Decisions have consequences. Divided, always divided is one of the consequences I experience. Missing people one place. Or another. Meeting wonderful people who would have been invisible if the decision hadn’t fallen on going there or doing that. A marvelous consequence of decisions.

Feeling full of love, full of gratitude. Feeling I have made the right choice. Feeling happiness. Not lala happy, no not that. I have not gone over the edge – not just yet – though I play very close to it occasionally.

Feeling filled up with the experiences that life throws at us and the discoveries made as a result.
Feeling thankful to the people who I have attracted to my sphere in the world right at this time, right at this place. They have become my teachers. My helpers. My right hand. My right foot. And I would, in a moment, without hesitation, reciprocate in kind.

Feeling enormously privileged to know so many wonderful people. The people who are here, in the now, in this moment are the people who are weaving my tapestry. They are the colourful threads that I, as the weaver, take in my hands and with my loom, magically thread and intertwine to make the fabric of my life. I choose. Consciously. Subconsciously. To add. To delete. To mute. To magnify.

I contemplate the Christmas tree. Small in stature. Grand in influence. In its pot of earth. Brought to me by a friend. Helping this less than mobile me. I give thanks, say thank you, to the amazing people who have chosen to come to my assistance. Their choice. Decision made. Consequence? My happiness? No – my choice. My joy? No again – my choice. My deep gratitude for their kindness? Tenfold.

Christmas Eve. Alone. My son and I. My choice. Consequence? Missing people. Seeing people. Experiencing something new. Painful. Teaching. My life of colourful threads. Feeling full up in that, glad I stopped when I did, sort of way. Learning constantly. Content in the moment. Happy? Without a doubt! My choice. My decision.

Jeg er blevet bidt af en fjolle flue i dag. Og når det sker er FB faktisk et super godt sted at besøge. Jeg har haft en herlig times tid med grammatik mishandling på både dansk og engelsk, været i kort dialog med en lige så letsindet Flemming Jensen, du ved, Lunte, om noget så alvorligt som Gud, og er blevet inspireret til alvorligt, mavepine latter af adskellige oplæg blandt andet en om at bruge sin bil alarm til at skramme indbrydstyve væk med diverse stik veje fra det oprindeligt. Den allerbedste var et skilt i en cafe ved nogle småkager som opfordrede til “please use tongues to pick up cookies and bars, not your hands”. Det fik fjolle flue feberen for alvor sat i gang så der nu er udbrud igen 😃
Hvor er det dog fantastisk! Jeg lever mindst 10 år længere grundet denne inficering!!
Jeg sender lige fjolle fluen videre…være indstillet på at bryde ud i latter hvis I bliver bidt. En mave klukken kan også være et af symptomerne og er man ellers immun overfor sådan noget kan der alligevel godt bryde et smil frem.
Held og lykke allesammen.
Rigtig god dag! Hihihihihihihi…

I am the luckiest person in the world, no, no in the universe.

I spent last evening in exceptional company. I find that I am doing this often which leaves me feeling very privileged. What made the evening such an exceptional one? I was in the company of 3 very good friends. 3 of the most wonderful women whom I have had the privilege to call friends for a number of years now.

I had been looking forward to this evening. It had been too long since we had seen each other. Nothing is missing when we arrive. The candles are lit, the glögg is made (and is very yummy), bowls are filled with sweets and chocolates (plus a healthy option) and an antique platter is graced with delicious cakes just waiting to be devoured. Christmas decorations dress the room and the rest of this lovely home. The atmosphere is welcoming and relaxed as the rest of the family goes about their business.

We settle in for a cosy evening. We are at different places in our lives and yet we have all experienced and cried at heartache and challenges, overcome obstacles, laughed at silly hiccups and got on with life. We are all people who love to laugh. We are all women who have families, some split. The concern and love for our children is always apparent as we frequently discuss and attempt to help each other in negotiating the challenges associated with rearing children some now teens. We help each other.

On some evenings the talk centers on how our children are faring, job situations, practical matters, our daily lives as we live them.

On some magical evenings we touch each other on a much deeper level and we lay our souls bare. No matter the subject we get under the skin and reach the feelings, the deeper values we each hold, our core. We are completely and totally open with each other and nothing is held back. Questions, reflections and opinions are offered up and accepted with compassion, empathy and respect. Such an evening was last evening and I still bask in the wondrous magic of it.

We listen to each other. We do not judge each other however we ask questions, can be critical of choices, voice our opinions with care and love for the other. We trust each other completely. We express concern each one for the other if there is something amiss. We share the joys, the sorrows, the funny mishaps we individually experience. We are there for each other at any hour, in any situation. This we know.

These unique friendships are of the most precious and rarest kind. The friendships demand honesty, respect, authenticity – each of the other. The rewards of the friendships are immeasurable. The friendships themselves are invaluable. They are essential to my well being.

I raise my glass to toast my friends – the magical, stay in your life no matter how dirty it gets, deep in your heart kind of friends. With the deepest gratitude, I am, your friend.

Namaste.

Crazy in love with life!!!
Feels like champagne bubbling deep in my soul.
Tears of joy, happiness, life fill my eyes.
What wonder is this?
In spite of the challenges I face
This crazy magical feeling cascades over me.
Letting go. Filling up.
Shouting. Laughing.
Crazy in love with life!!!

Beirut, Paris, Kenya, Africa…I suspect that this is only the beginning.
We must not give up who we are, as Europeans, Danes, Frenchman, Canadians – World citizens. We must not let our cultures be diminished. We must not be silenced. We must defend democracy and the rights that it brings and the responsibility it carries. We must not be stopped by fear. We must remember compassion, understanding, love. We must not, cannot, afford to be complacent or passive or pacifistic. The solution is, for me, shrouded in darkness but it must be found.
My thoughts and sympathy to all who have suffered loss these past days.
My question is…what can we do?