A yawn, and you were gone.
The person who was my mother ceased to exist in this part of the universe.
Did your spirit take flight?
Did your soul find peace with the whole dying thing? Safe journey? Where did you go?
One minute you were living, breathing, holding my hand. The next your breath ceased and your heart stopped and no sound was to be heard – just the one yawn and then, you were gone.
I miss you. I miss hearing you say Hejsa Kim when you say hi on the phone. I miss you calling me Kimalas. No one else calls me that. I miss your voice. I want to hold your hand with the crooked, time-worn fingers and tell you I love you like so many times before. I want to give you a hug and hear you say ahhh when I do. I want to hear you laugh in that special way you had, loud and free of pretense or constraint. I can’t figure out whether I should say had or has – you’re still here in my heart. I’m not used to it yet, you being out of reach. You loved me I know. What do I do without you? I love you mum. I miss you mum. My anchor, my safe place in a storm, my cheerleader, my friend, my mom. One last breath, one yawn and you were gone.

In 1910 a day was established in order to pay tribute and show appreciation to fathers and father figures. Today, it’s father’s day in Canada.
Dear Dad,
I have thought of this day for a few weeks now. Just remembering that it was on its way. Not because I needed to find an appropriate Jacquie card. You know the one, with the appropriate sentiment for the day, one with the jaunty jazz sound and some fanfare wishing you a happy day. I didn’t send a card as I usually would. I don’t need to make time to call you however much I’d like to.
I’ve been thinking that it was going to be a strange day, not in any particular way, just knowing it would be odd. I miss you.
You have always been there…always. Now I have conversations with you in my head. At the moment they’re quite one sided. I talk a fair bit! Nothing new in that. There are tears mixed into the lopsided conversations at the moment. Your last words penetrate the silence – I do hear you say you are proud of me, you love me – your last words to me as we looked into the eyes of the other and said farewell…Dad there has never been any doubt. Perhaps the grief needs to subside a bit for me to hear the other things.
In my heart and in my soul, no, actually, in every fiber of me, I know what the words “my daughter” encompassed for you. A privilege and an honour Dad. I chose good.
I love you. I miss you.
To my dad – happy father’s day with all my love,
Your daughter.