Christmas. Feeling melancholy. A long way from 2 people who mean the world to me. Choices can do this. Missing people who fill important places in my heart. Feeling divided. Feeling grateful. Feeling loved. Feeling love. Choices can do this. Making choices.

The people I miss tonight are people who are my history. They are my foundation. The foundation that has given me an anchor, a solid base to grow up on. A place that was safe and secure to take up challenges from, to run out to the world from, to mature and grow up from.

Choices. Choices bring decisions. Decisions have consequences. Divided, always divided is one of the consequences I experience. Missing people one place. Or another. Meeting wonderful people who would have been invisible if the decision hadn’t fallen on going there or doing that. A marvelous consequence of decisions.

Feeling full of love, full of gratitude. Feeling I have made the right choice. Feeling happiness. Not lala happy, no not that. I have not gone over the edge – not just yet – though I play very close to it occasionally.

Feeling filled up with the experiences that life throws at us and the discoveries made as a result.
Feeling thankful to the people who I have attracted to my sphere in the world right at this time, right at this place. They have become my teachers. My helpers. My right hand. My right foot. And I would, in a moment, without hesitation, reciprocate in kind.

Feeling enormously privileged to know so many wonderful people. The people who are here, in the now, in this moment are the people who are weaving my tapestry. They are the colourful threads that I, as the weaver, take in my hands and with my loom, magically thread and intertwine to make the fabric of my life. I choose. Consciously. Subconsciously. To add. To delete. To mute. To magnify.

I contemplate the Christmas tree. Small in stature. Grand in influence. In its pot of earth. Brought to me by a friend. Helping this less than mobile me. I give thanks, say thank you, to the amazing people who have chosen to come to my assistance. Their choice. Decision made. Consequence? My happiness? No – my choice. My joy? No again – my choice. My deep gratitude for their kindness? Tenfold.

Christmas Eve. Alone. My son and I. My choice. Consequence? Missing people. Seeing people. Experiencing something new. Painful. Teaching. My life of colourful threads. Feeling full up in that, glad I stopped when I did, sort of way. Learning constantly. Content in the moment. Happy? Without a doubt! My choice. My decision.