Talk about it! Show it! Ask about it! Don’t be afraid.

Trying to explain what it feels like inside of your head, oh boy. All that woolly stuff that the thoughts get stuck in, the way the thoughts go in a ring, constantly, never stopping. The way you can take the blame for all of the ills of the world, all of it is your fault. If only you hadn’t stepped on the line, hopped over that square, flicked the lights less than 10 times 2 weeks ago, none of this would have happened. What if you had done that earlier? What if you hadn’t said those things just then. If only you had been there 5 minutes earlier. None of this would have happened and everything would be ok.

Sleep is a place far away from your reality. Sleep only comes when the exhaustion is complete and the body switches to auto pilot and blasts the mind out of the equation. Sleep stays just out of reach as the mind does a mental review of everything. Every word you said, every thing you did, every eye contact made, every little movement – today, yesterday, 5 weeks ago, 5 years ago, when you were 5. Sleep, when it does come, is exhausting. You awake almost more tired, if that is possible, than when you went to bed.

The day begins again and you wonder why. What is the point? There is no light. There is no sunshine even when the sun is out. You take one positive thought, I can make it to tomorrow. And again tomorrow if it is still only just bearable when you wake – I can make it to tomorrow. Out there, there is a tomorrow where the light does shine just a little. And one day, after the tomorrows with a bit of light come around more often and the light they show is a little more and lasts a little longer you discover that the dark isn’t quite as thick and black as it was before.The fake smile becomes just a little less fake and it very, very slowly starts to reach the eyes.

Sometimes, just sometimes the change is like an explosion! Pow! Blast! The door is open! Life is good!!! You laugh! The mind is on track again and you can do just about anything! A little manic but not bipolar. That is a completely different kettle of fish.

Talk about it. Ask about it.